In all of the
research regarding this topic, it boiled down to this: Alone
is a state of being and loneliness is a state of mind.
Let’s unwrap this
a little. Alone is a state of being;
something you physically are at that time and in that space. For example, if you are home by yourself, you
are alone; if you are on a golf course with no one around, you are alone; and if
you are at the office and everyone has gone home, you are alone. In each of these examples, being alone
changes when another person enters the space you are in. When alone, you have the ability to change
from being alone to not being alone simply by inviting someone into your space.
Loneliness is a
state of mind, meaning an emotional state of being, or when we feel emotionally
disconnected from the people around us.
Let’s use the same examples as before.
If you are home and the house is filled with family or friends but you
don’t feel you can open up, you are feeling lonely; if you are on the golf
course with 3 others in your group but feel disconnected, you are feeling
lonely; if you are at an office Christmas party, surrounded by co-workers and
no one wants to hear more than “fine” when asked “How are you?”, you are lonely
Loneliness is
much harder to remedy, because of the complexity of feeling in sync with
another human being. Loneliness is
difficult to change because of our own resistance to being vulnerable and
acknowledging these painful feelings.
Finally, loneliness is challenging because of the skills required by two
individuals to want to be emotionally connected.
Robin Williams
once said, “I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all
along. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with
people that make you feel all alone.”
Whether you are alone or lonely, it is worth your time and effort to
process your state of being as well as your state of mind. Telling your story can only lead to a
happier, healthier, and longer life.
