The Power of Vulnerability

A colleague referred me to René Brown’s Ted Talk.  She is an inspiring researcher that not only found ways to help all of us watching, but also herself.  Here are some of the highlights of her talk:

• Connection is what gives purpose and meaning to life
• Shame is the fear of disconnection
• Do you believe you are worthy or belonging, being loved, being connected, to be imperfect?
• Do you have the compassion to be kind to your self first… then to others
• Let go of who you should be, and be who you are
• Vulnerability is beautiful, but not always comfortable
• Vulnerability is the birth of happiness, joy, creativity, belonging, and love
• Blame is the a way to discharge pain and discomfort
• We make everything uncertain…certain
• The more vulnerable we are, the more afraid we become
• We try to perfect not only ourselves, but also our children
• We pretend that what we do does not effect others
• René Brown wanted the audience to learn:
• Let yourself be seen
• Love with your whole heart, without any guarantee
• Practice gratitude and joy
• Tell yourself, “I AM ENOUGH”

To watch the Ted Talk in it’s entirety simply click on this link (https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability#t-1198854).

Go out there and practice some or all of what René Brown was trying to teach.  You will live a Happier, Healthier, and Longer life. 

Talk It Out, not It Tough

I'm Not Crazy

In recent weeks I have overheard this conversation multiple times

Friend 1:  Wow, I am so overwhelmed

Friend 2:  Have you thought about seeking help?

Friend 1:  What do you mean?

Friend 2:  You know, go see a therapist

Friend 1:  I AM NOT CRAZY!

The implication here is that only crazy people need counseling, when in reality you are crazy for NOT going to counseling. 

Here are the facts:  Psychology Today reports that 59 million adults seek therapy in the United States.  GoodTherapy.org explains that an overwhelming majority of these individuals are “ordinary people with common, everyday issues”.  So, as research clearly indicates, therapy is for everyone including YOU, the reader, and it is only due to social stigmas why the word “crazy” is associated with therapy.

Dr. Howes, writing for Psychology Today, lists that adults in the US go to therapy because of distress, support/coping needs, communication issues, self-exploration, or mental disorders.  The simple truth is that every individual needs help processing events in our daily lives, and a counselor can help by giving support, information, guidance, or practice new tools.

Despite what you may have learned growing up, despite what you may see on TV or at the movies, and despite what may be said by some friends or acquaintances, going to therapy helps you THRIVE.  It is the strong, brave, and healthy that become vulnerable in order to grow, and they should be applauded and supported not ridiculed. 

If therapy is suggested to you, please go.

A relationship is not a social skill

According to Skillsyouneed.com, social skills are “skills you use to communicate and interact with an other person.  This is done both verbally and non-verbally, through gestures, body language and our personal appearance”.  All of these skills are very important as we interact, relate, and communicate with the world around us, and all of these skills help us towards developing a relationship.

Webster defines a relationship as “ when two or more people are connected or in the state of being connected.”  That means that being in any kind of relationship is an Emotional Experience, and that requires a different focus.  Things like meaning and trust are important in relationships, and the deep one’s even require us to be vulnerable.  But how do we go from using social skills to developing relationships?

The answer is “An Emotional Corrective Experience”.  This means that as we use the social skills defined above, we keep track of whether the experience was good or bad.  If it is good, we keep going and try again in order to deepen the connection, but if it is bad we have a tendency to withdraw and eventually lose the connection.

Countless studies show that the happiest people are the one’s who have great relationships, so it is fair to say that the happiest people are the one’s who have the most (and best) emotional corrective experiences.  My advice is to go out there and build better connections, rather than focusing on mastering a specific social skill.   

Watch our Summer Camp movie trailer!

"5 Rules of Learning on the Log"

After hours of processing, reflection, and deliberation, Learning on the Log has come up with 5 great rules/suggestions/guidelines that any staff, parent, volunteer, or counselor in training (CIT) need to follow when on our outings.

1. Our main goal is to INTERACT, RELATE, and COMMUNICATE.
2. Talk to the kids, not the adults.
3. Talk to the kids at their level. - Adult conversations should be done after the program.
4. Play so that you both have fun. - Find the inner child in you.
5. When in doubt, follow the lead of a Learning on the Log staff.

- Armann Fenger

"When is it a good time?"

When is the best time to INTERACT, RELATE, and COMMUNICATE with your child? This is a commonly asked question, and understandably so.  We are all very busy in our daily life with work, school, sports, and other extra curricular activities. Many parents spend hours driving their kids from one activity to another, so when can we find time to build meaningful relationships?

The answer is simple... ANYTIME:

Driving around town, INTERACT, RELATE, and COMMUNICATE

Cooking dinner at home, INTERACT, RELATE, and COMMUNICATE

Doing yard work on the weekend, INTERACT, RELATE, and COMMUNICATE

Cleaning the house or garage, INTERACT, RELATE, and COMMUNICATE

Doing homework at night, INTERACT, RELATE, and COMMUNICATE

Waiting for siblings to finish, INTERACT, RELATE, and COMMUNICATE

At Learning on the Log we INTERACT, RELATE, and COMMUNICATE in every location we visit. It does not matter if we are hiking, swimming, playing sports, rock climbing, or commuting in the van - our goal and focus remains the same. We INTERACT, RELATE, and COMMUNICATE, we develop relationships that have meaning, and we teach social skills that can be generalized to other areas of a child's life.

- Armann Fenger

"Words = Attitude"

This week I found an old blue bracelet from Autism Speaks. It has the words "Express, Embrace, Engage, Enable, and Expand" engraved in it. These are excellent words to encourage families and professionals to treat children on the Autistic Spectrum in a caring, supportive, and social way.

Autism Speaks' attitude correlates to our mission and goals. Learning on the Log's main words are INTERACT, RELATE, and COMMUNICATE. It reminds our staff to relentlessly pursue social skills goals above anything else, and help each child develop meaningful relationships with peers and staff. By participating in meaningful activities and interacting within meaningful relationships, the social skills learned here have a greater chance at being generalized to other parts of the child's life.

We continue to emphasize and market our 3 main goals because it is the attitude and philosophy in which our staff approach each session (no matter what the activity is).  It is a proven formula since 2001, and thousands of kids have benefited from it.

Two families agree:

"My husband and I often say to ourselves, we can never leave Atlanta because where on earth will our son find this kind of loving, healthy, aware, amazing community that he has found in Learning on the Log."

"They are doing excellent work, not easy work either, on a daily basis and we can't thank them enough for the sense of belonging, self-esteem, excitement, and love that they've provided for our son for the past 7 years"

- Armann Fenger

"Why Learning on the Log is Different"

Our core principles include INTERACT, RELATE, and COMMUNICATE, but what does that really mean?

It means that participants at Learning on the Log develop social skills in natural situations such as hiking on a trail, playing games in a pool, navigating a playground, climbing on a rock wall, or testing their skills on a sports field.

Through the development of friendships with our staff and other children, each child encounters scenarios that will have a greater meaning to them personally, therefore motivating them to try again. Lessons learned during meaningful interactions, have a greater chance of generalizing to other social situations, such as at home with parents and siblings, and at school with teachers and peers.

We believe that social skills and strategies are learned through spontaneous and organic situations. Our staff works very hard to nurture and support any conflicts (misunderstandings, frustrations, anger, or other challenging feelings) that arise naturally when a group of kids are put together. This emphasis of processing charged social-emotional episodes, sets Learning on the Log apart from other recreational programs who only emphasizes a sensory experience. Any social growth there is incidental. At Learning on the Log, we cultivate lasting social development.

- Armann Fenger

We've had some great events for LOTL families the last couple of weeks! Check out our Facebook for more pictures from these events and much more!

The Executive Point of View: "Keep it Simple and Short"

"Keep it Short and Simple"

As all of us interact, we rely heavily on language as a tool for giving and receiving messages, and we often communicate at a rapid rate.  One of the counselors this summer reflected that she uses language to help the people she is with to feel relaxed and welcomed, and if the situation is anything but relaxed then the number of words she uses increases. 

Within Learning on the Log, processing language can be rather difficult, and when adults are not careful the language can become complex.  Our advice is to keep it short and simple.  This will allow each child to have a better chance at understanding the adult, and have a better chance at responding.  Keeping language interaction simple, increases the possibility for the interactions to be more successful, and confidence to starts to grow. 

For example, recently there was a misunderstanding between two students that resulted in some shoving.  As the emotions were high from both kids, our staff did a wonderful job of clarifying the situation so that neither child felt defensive or attacked.  They had an opportunity to re-live the situation and learn some positive social cues.  In this situation the two boys apologized for their part in the shoving and re-joined the larger group.

- Armann Fenger

The Executive Point of View: "You'll Never Walk Alone"

"You’ll Never Walk Alone"

My favorite English Premier Soccer League team is Liverpool. I have been rooting for them since I was a young kid pretending to be the famous Kenny Dalglish. Their slogan, since 1963, is a song called “You’ll Never Walk Alone.” This is sung loudly and proudly before each home game, by all the fans. This is a great slogan for Liverpool since they are cheered for worldwide.

At Learning on the Log, we also want our fans to know that “You’ll Never Walk Alone.” We have constantly increased the number of available programs, built a vast network of references of other professionals, and are trying to build a community where each family feels welcome and at home.

As they sing in Liverpool:

Walk on...

Walk on...

With hope...

In your heart...

And you’ll never walk alone

You’ll never walk alone

Alone...

Come walk with Learning on the Log, and never walk alone... again